Everyone is familiar with the age-old saying that "opposites attract." There is a certain catchiness to it that lures in those who are looking for relationship advice. But it may not always be true.
When it comes to the introverts and extroverts, a lot of relationship advice pushes the dynamic duo, bringing the introvert out of their shell and toning down the extrovert. But what if the opposite were true? What if the combination, for some, was actually more detrimental?
As an introvert madly in love with an introvert, I can strongly vouch for why the introverted relationship works so well. Here are five main reasons why I would encourage an introvert looking for love to not rule out the idea that opposites don't always attract.
1. Balanced needs for refueling. An introvert feels stronger and happier when they are allowed to have their time alone just to think while extroverts require others to provide emotional fuel for them. In an introverted relationship, neither party requires such a heavy responsibility from their partner. Without the need for one to fuel another, they can both individually reach their level of comfort and bring that peace to the relationship.
2. Understanding. While an extrovert can certainly cater to an introvert's needs, they can never fully understand them. It is a wonderful gift to be involved with a partner who knows why you need to hide from the world occasionally without trying to change it or negotiate with it.
3. Varying intellectual conversations. Of course extroverts are just as capable of intelligent conversations, but with two introverts who enjoy reading and pondering over socializing, the range of deep conversations is much greater and ever-changing. Not to mention, the surprise turns and twists that can occur in a conversation when given the chance to think apart.
4. Every evening in. To most extroverts, this sounds like a negative thing but many introverts would be thrilled to spend more time at home on their couch or at least away from larger crowds or entertaining. When your partner is also an introvert, this is the norm. There is no need to put on an extroverted face when you just want to crash in the corner or ask your partner to forgo their evening of fun when you just aren't feeling it.
5. Solitude combined with togetherness. Few things are as amazing to an introvert as sitting quietly with their thoughts or a good book. But when paired with sharing this amazing experience with your partner, it becomes pure bliss. The need to escape and be separate to recuperate never requires you to be fully alone, allowing a much deeper bond to form.
While there are positives and negatives to every relationship, the introvert/extrovert combination that many feel they must seek is not set in stone. There are ample benefits to two introverts falling in love. So at the next social gathering, try looking at the wallflower with the book. You may find that opposites do not necessarily attract.
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I appreciated reading the "5 Reasons Why Introverted Relationships Work". Something to chew on and affirms what I've begun to suspect might be worth exploring.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic... but what you describe as an extrovert is not entirely correct. It seems that you are conveying an image of an extrovert as someone on LSD and very insecure ("needing fueling from others"). A balanced and confident extrovert knows how to appreciate a fast-paced and active social life and can also enjoy their own company and be in the presence of another, in a more solitary (yet pleasing for both) environment. It is all a matter of learning to respect each others desires and find middle ground. None of the two needs to get frustrated. On the contrary, I believe it can be a healthy friendship/relationship for an extrovert and an introvert because one will balance the other. Extroverts can cool down knowing that they can share quiet time with somebody who values quieter settings, and an introvert will receive an occasional push to come out of their shell a bit more. Again, nothing can ever be done by force. No reason to.
ReplyDeleteI think you are confusing introverts with shy people. Introverts strive on being in "their shell" they are energized by it. Where extroverts are energized by social interaction. That IS after all the fundamental difference between the 2 personality types. I also think you are confusing extroverts with ambiverts, who are equally energized by social interaction and solitude. Which is not to say introverts can't be social and extroverts can't be solitary but there is only so much either personality can handle because one drains while the other gives energy according to the type. So I don't believe the writer is trying to paint the extrovert as the crazed, insecure person you are imagining. In any case the article isn't about how extroverts and introverts aren't meant to be but how 2 introverts can be a really great combination.
DeleteThis is so true! I'm with someone now who seems really extraverted at times, and he doesn't think twice about sharing personal stuff with other women nor does he like to stay in and have movie nights as often as I do (admittedly, money is a factor). It's this extraversion that will probably break us up in the long run even though I love how he shares his feelings and emotions with me (he's Fe also, but I just don't like how it's shared with EVERYONE, and he's always trying to make connections with EVERYONE). On the other hand, I'm very happy being with other introverts, especially if they have Fe too. We can have fun together, go out and do things when we want and share our feelings. My late husband was an ISFP, and you described our relationship perfectly. We balanced each other out, and even though we were doing different things, we were still together in the same place. And he didn't go out of his way to connect with others, and he kept things privately. It was just the Fi that caused problems at times, but his strong Se helped me get in touch with mine in a good way. It's when you don't have an introvert anymore that you really appreciate how good a relationship is with another one. :(
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